Back To Work

It's about 3:40 a.m. on Wednesday morning and I am once again sitting at my desk in the NICU. It is my first night back at work since Emma was born. Walking into the unit tonight was so strange. I felt like I didn't really know what I was doing. For the past 12 weeks, my days consisted of feeding, changing, bathing, and playing with the baby. It's hard to come to work now and see all these babies here. Having Emma has given me a whole new perspective on what these babies and parents are going through. I am going to continue to work 3rd shift and Josh works during the day. We have chosen not to put Emma in daycare. So yes, that means that I will not get very much sleep because I will need to take care of Emma until Josh gets home from work. There have been so many people who have told me that I won't be able to do it. I keep hearing that this won't last very long. But my nanny[my moms mom] raised 4 kids and still worked 3rd shift full time. If she can do it with 4, then I can do it with 1. Although daycares are great for some people, I just want to be with Emma. I don't want to miss anything of her precious life. I want to see her crawl for the first time, and take her first steps. Working third shift, lets me work when she is sleeping and maybe then, I won't miss so much during the day. I am not oblivious to the fact that it is going to be hard. But I have put faith in the Lord that he will guide us through this and help me. He isn't going to give us any challenges that we can't handle. Sure, I'm going to be a little tired, but it's worth it to me to be able to be with my baby girl during the day. Also, I have family that is more than willing to help me when I need it. I am going to do the best job I can do. Being back at work is defintiely alot different. But it makes me feel good to know that my husband is at home taking care of Emma. I haven't really stressed going back to work because I know that the only thing it would do is make me sad. I'm not looking at being back at work as a bad thing. I see so many parents who are with their kids every day that get stressed and sometimes are so frustrated with their kids that they can't enjoy the time they spend with them. I look at going to work as kind of taking a break for myself, and a time to collect my thoughts. Although I love being with Emma and Josh, I have definetly lacked time for myself in the past few months. And, yes, I know what you all are thinking....once you have a baby, you'll never have time for yourself. But that doesn't have to be true. I think that you should always try to take a little time for yourself. I think by being able to have time to yourself, you are able to be more patient with your children and really cherish the times that you are with them. [these is just my ramblings....take them for what they are] I recieved a phone call from Josh around midnight.[I told him to call me when she got up to put my mind at ease that she was doing ok] He was up feeding Emma and he said that she was very congested and was having trouble sleeping because she couldn't breathe that well. Hopefully she will be able to sleep through the night and then we can decide in the morning if she needs to go to the doctor. Josh has been sick for the past week or so and I got sick from him a couple of days ago, but I'm hoping that Emma didn't catch this too. It is Josh's first night by himself, and I feel so helpless that I'm not there to help him, but I know that he can handle it. But please keep Emma in your prayers. Hopefully this isn't the start of her getting sick.